Keeping my door open

I am just not myself.

Do you ever feel that way?

Your day may be perfectly decent--perhaps even good. You may have even accomplished another item on your master "To Do Before the End of Fall" list. You may have cooked a satisfying meal that leaves you feeling so perfectly full, that it's all you can do to keep your eyes open as you watch an episode of Gilmore Girls. You may then even feel so adventurous as to take on a quick dessert making venture: homemade Reese's peanut butter cups.

And yet,
despite all that,
you still feel blah, ho-hum, melancholy, unbalanced, disatisfied.

Lately I feel like I'm going through the motions. I go to work because that's what I do during the week. I eat food when it's time to eat. Laundry, cleaning, tidying: I do all that as needed. I laugh at the punch line. I play along.

But it doesn't feel authentic. I feel like I'm walking through each day in a fuzzy haze.

A lot has changed as of late. Friends have moved. Work kicked into high gear and has been stressful. I found out I'll need to look for employment when this upcoming school year ends because the program I work with lost funding. I'm thinking about moving. I'm trying to settle into adulthood and I'm trying to do it gracefully and perfectly (because I'm a virgo and that's what I do!).

I have to remind myself that it's ok when life gets messy. It's necessary to point out to myself, from time to time, that life is cyclical. We can't always be up--sometimes we will be down. And that's ok. It's part of the process.

Don't shut it out. Don't close yourself off. Keep the door to your heart unlocked. Shoot, keep the door ajar. Let in the light. Because just as sure as the sun rises each morning (whether or not clouds cover it), light will come.

Tell me: Do you ever feel this way?